Journeying with DAD

This is about the journey with my Father in heaven. After many posts on my earthly dad and the management of his cancer ondition, i  am making ONE post about my journey with my father in heaven.

'All things happen for the good of those who love him'-God
where do i begin? My life has been very different from the time we discovered Dad's condition.
it seems like all is in his leading and guidance. Becoz of this, i am able to complete my Touch for Health training and become an instructor. I was able to get involved in Feldenkrais and attended those sessions conducted by Maja. I came to discover Young Living. Without all this, i might still be in the 'teacher-school-consciousness' today. My money has become a lot lesser, my life has become a lot simpler.

Many times, i find myself frustarted a lot with my earthly dad. I have openly declared couple of times "i don;t like my dad'. The Enneagram profiled me as a Type 1 Perfectionist (although i beg to differ). I cannot stand teh chauvinistic ways my dad displays; it is as if there are 2 maids at home (mum & me). I can feel at any time of the day the amount of consideration and love my mum puts in for us (me, siblings). From dad, i see and feel a lot a lot of self-centeredness. I cannot stand that most time. For Dad, he has a big 'I'. On my off-grace days, i often experience a lot of anger at him.

It is on these days that i experience my judgementalism. I judge. and I judge a lot. i hold it against him. and for that, i make myself miserable. Until God descend into my heart gently and switch on my 'Jesus lens' which i asked Him for them years ago as i sing "Let me see , through Jesus' eyes". That i remembered GRACE. The GRACE of God. Christianity did not run a recruitment drive. It has always been "Let anyone come to me." We are who we are, because of sin, and therefore, we are. Until God's GRACE works through us. And no matter who we are, and what we are, God loves us all the same, uses our hands all the same , no matter who we are and what we are. So long as we are willing, God can use us. So long as we are repentant, His love is with us.

And the fact that I judge, i recognizes the EGO in me. There is something there that doesn't agree with ME. It is a tug-of-war with EGOES. Now i have that head knowledge. I ask for God's grace to come to terms with it. May the Holy Spirit teachers my heart.

The journey with my earthly dad is like a BIG...HUGE piece of mirror , reflecting to me how fallen I am. And i say this not in despair, but rather as an acknowledgement and giving thanks to God for his GRACE, that rather than being condemned, i am saved anymore.

I often heard this,"So and so is a Christian, how can a Christian do this?"
I used to think this way and made such judgement. Until the day the Lord opened my eyes to see.
He showed me "Look at that man, the one people called him selfish? That's my son".
"Look at that chap. He is a hopeless cell leader isn't he, not as articulate? and can't quite make out what he is trying to say right? Well, that's my son as well."
"My sons are not perfect. Far from it. That's why they need me."
i felt so ashamed and humbled when that realization came. (Not condemned. No , never,for His blood has paid for all).

Thank you, Jesus.